Thing 1 is flipping out.

I have two flatmates; Daniel, and Thing 1. Thing 1 is so named, because I used to think of the both of them as Thing 1 and Thing 2, when walking home and seeing the lights of their bedrooms on. And I don’t give enough of a shit to come up with a proper blog name for him.

I have always been in the habit of wandering around naked, or partially clothed. I don’t really like clothes much. My sisters are both used to it. Christine and I had our bedrooms upstairs at home. It was a small apartment, though our parents had cut and capped the kitchen and taken the door off the entry way. We had our own bathroom, and my early morning naked crusty eyed stumble to the bathroom was a given. That the first thing I did when I got home was take my pants off? Very well known. Even her friends got used to my full/partial nudity. Josie too, never had a problem with it. She and her friends once caught my dancing around in my under wear, and I was only embarrassed by the dancing.

Shit, even my mom got used to my nudity. She used to hate the fact that I slept naked, especially considering I started when I was 13. Seriously, I would wake up with the nightgown bunched up under my arms anyway. Why bother wearing it at all? The only time I would wear anything was when I was on my period. (Ironically, I now occasionally wear p.j.’s. Usually, its when I feel like I need some comfort. A nice comfy sweatshirt and sweatpants and snuggling under your blankets with a stuffed animal does wonders.)

Its much nicer to be naked, especially since right now, its bloody well boiling out. My apartment is even hotter. Even with an air conditioner, I still sleep nude. Now, I’ve been out of work, and thus sleeping later. My flatmates, however, do work. I don’t think its wrong to assume that, if I wake up at 10 on a Thursday, no one is home, and thus, I can stumble naked to the bathroom.

Well, this week, I was wrong. I made my naked bleary no glasses stumble to the bathroom ok, but on the way back to my room, Thing 1 saw me naked.

Now, IMHO, this shouldn’t be such a big deal. Whatever, you see someone naked, you giggle, and you get over it. Hell, I’m surprised it took this long! Franklin was just saying how odd it was that Thing 1 still hadn’t’ seen me nude and we’ve lived together for almost a year now. I’m pretty sure Franklin’s roommate has seen me naked. In fact, I’m pretty sure he’s also heard me getting my ass fucked and getting beaten with a leather strap. When you live with people, you hear shit. Daniel’s Virgin Girlfriend heard me and Will fucking, and we just giggled about it. Same as when I would hear Daniel and his lady friends fucking (God, do I miss the rhythmic thumping of his headboard and the overwhelming smell of balls that permeated his room. I never smell that anymore, stupid Virgin Girlfriend. Put out, Woman! I know what you are missing, and it is good!)

Thing 1, however, is really bothered by it. We had to have a ‘talk’. And he apparently felt the need to tell Daniel! Daniel wasn’t even home, what the fuck does he need to hear about it for? He’s not going to be shocked, he’s already seen me naked, you know, when we were fucking.
(We dated for a while before we moved in together, and after I broke up with Franklin, and before he got with Dianna, we fucked.)

Jesus, you saw a naked lady, not a fucking ghost, get over it.

I’m also somewhat offended that the idea of seeing me naked upset him so much. I mean, I know I’m no Dita von Teese, but neither am I Quasimodo! Plenty of people like seeing me naked. Hell, I’m sure some of y’all would love to get me naked.

Anyway, this is what you get for deciding you’d rather have the bedroom with the attached bathroom, not the big bedroom. The bedroom with attached bath was supposed to be mine. See? Now you know why I ought to have had that room. Jerk.

Thing 1 also freaked out because Franklin and I had sex on the couch in the living room. No one was home. The flatmates were gone for the weekend, and well…one thing led to another. It was hot! If we had remembered to put the (tiny) bottle of lube back in the bedroom, no one would have known. Thing 1 was flipping out. Dude. Its not even your couch. I bought those couches, you fucker!

His main excuse for freaking out is “Oooh, well, what if I had people coming over?” which is a shitty excuse. Oh Thing 1, you don’t interact with people outside of WoW, who are you trying to kid? You never have people over, especially not ever during the work week! We’ve lived here for a year, and he’s brought people over…4? 5 times?

Seriously, Thing 1? You really need to get that stick out of your ass and get laid. Srsly. Realx.