I get very protective of my female friends.

Ask Elizabeth, who’s boyfriend’s (and now girlfriend) all get a speech about how I’ll tear out their ribcage and wear it as a funny hat if they hurt her.

Ask Josie. At her Sweet 16, her boyfriend was going to spend the night, (Far from her room, and there were girls staying over too, as well as myself, sleeping near the boyfriend’s room.) I spent half the night threatening to stomp his guts out. My Dad’s friends though it was great.

Ask Christine. I totally try to get in the face of her really tall, really muscular boyfriends and yell at them not to hurt her. Sometimes I think it works. I used to have quite the ‘crazy bitch’ reputation in high school. And I threatened to sleep with their sisters.

Ask Lily, who I constantly ask if she wants me to place my rats on the balls of offending men in her life. And I’d totally beat them up too. In fact, Lily, if you want, I’ll hold ‘em all down while you kick ‘em! It’ll be great. Its fun to kick a man when he’s down and out numbered!

But Annabel, ah, Annabel. Its different with her. Its so frustrating sometimes, to sit and listen to stories about the men in her life. Its fun to hear, because I always love swapping boy stories with my friends, but I’m so jealous too. And when those men don’t treat her well, or break up with her, it adds a whole other layer to my anger. Not only am I righteously indignant for my friend, but it just feels so….unfair!

How dare they break up with my lovely Annabel, so carelessly discarding what I so desperately want? She deserves the best of a person. I would offer her the best of me, I would never intentionally hurt her.

I try my best not to be a jealous person. I really do work hard at it. I’m getting pretty good, too.

But when I see her with a man, I can’t help but see green…and sometimes I feel so stupid. I could never begrudge her pleasure, or a relationship, but I can’t help but be jealous, because these men, some of them utterly unworthy to worship her, can have what I can’t. They have access to her heart, her time, her ear and yes, her body, in a way I don’t, and fear I won’t ever have.

Annabel, Annabel! I wish you would see me.

Look this direction
I know it’s not perfection, it’s just me
I want to bring you up again now

Christ. I’m quoting old school Green Day. Soon I’ll be making Annabel a mix tape. *sigh*

One last thing. Let me tell ya’ll who Annabel isn’t. Several people have made guesses, and this girl came up more than once. But, alas, Annabel is not Cody. I only heart Cody in a platonic way. In all seriousness, despite all the flirting and such. Sometimes Cody reminds me of me when I was younger, not that we’re so far apart in age or anything. But she is not the lovely Annabel I heart.