I haven’t written about Annabel in a while.

She’s been a painful, touchy subject for me.

I still haven’t told her. I still have feeling for her.

But I’m also feeling very ambivalent towards her as well. I’ve started to notice things about her that I really don’t like. I’m hoping that it means I’m stating to get over her.

I’m also feeling stupidly hurt and rejected, yet I haven’t said or done anything to her. But she just confided to me she had a girl experience.

Now, rather than feeling rejected because of my gender, lack of permanently attached boy bits, and her heterosexuality, now I’m feeling more personally rejected…and its never fun to try to accept that maybe, its just me she’s not interested in, not girls in general. That I’m just not attractive enough for her or something. Ah, I don’t know.

I really gotta stop liking straight girls.

If Isaiah was right
And all flesh is grass
I’d like to pass my riding
Mower back and forth across
Your patch of bermuda.
I will work for free.
I will pour my clippings
Under the pecan tree
And take a nap in them.
You will never need
Worry about weeds again.
Dandelions will not
Blemish your putting-green skin
When I begin my gardening.
I will rake you by hand.
Isaiah was a smart man.
He knew the value of pampered trash.
All flesh is grass.

- - Stan Rice, from the “Fear Itself”