Elizabeth and Cookie did the coolest. thing. ever.

Do you know what they did? They had sex in public.

But not just in public.

In Disneyland!

On “The Haunted Castle” ride!

Sadly, the ride was too short for them to reach climax.

Here’s to you, you glorious bitches!

Did you know that there’s an unofficial Gay Day at Disneyland? According to Elizabeth, they all get organized on their own, wear red shirts, and descend en masse upon the unsuspecting theme park. Then, and only then, is it truly the happiest place on earth.

So…who’s going with me next year?

Elizabeth also clued me in on a new method of gay identification. Referring to yourself as ‘Part of the Family’.

When Elizabeth and Cookie were at Disneyland, some jerkface got all offended that they were hugging, and complained, causing a member of the staff to go over to them and ask them to not do that. (Of course, the heterosexual couples can make out all over the place under the fire works, and that’s ok. Right. And before you complain and say ’see, they ARE deviant, they were having sex on a ride!’ Let me counter argue - the ride was dark and loud, they were quiet, and no one saw them who complained. If they HAD gotten caught and were punished, I’d say, well, that’s what you get for having sex in public. But in this instance, this person did not see them have sex, they simply saw a romantic moment between two people, that, if they were heterosexual, would have been completely overlooked.)

Now, if that had been me, there would have been an extremely loud, outraged shouting match, which would include the phrases ‘law suit’, ‘GLADD’, ‘ACLU’ and ‘Sexual Discrimination’

Elizabeth, however, its not me. They quietly and politely went to the customer service center, and while they were trying to explain what happened to their representative, he says “Oh, its ok, I’m part of the family!” and according to Elizabeth, his gay kicked it up a notch.

I like that.

Elizabeth also pointed out that the number of males I’ve had sex with now exceeds the number of sex toys I own. She thinks I ought to by a new toy, and continue buying a toy for ever new male I sleep with. Ah, I wish I could, but alas…money….

Perhaps I should start having men who want to sleep with me take me to Babeland, and buy me a new toy first, as an offering.

Elizabeth and Cookie have found the best way to protest homosexual protesters.

Make out at them. They hate that!

Whats even cooler - the matching shirts they have on say ‘The Bitch’ and ‘The Butch’. Elizabeth is the bitch. Cookie is the butch.

Elizabeth and I were talking today about a pet peeve of ours, one that she never had to deal with, having not been bisexual until recently. (Cookie is her first girlfriend. Before that, no matter what I told her, Elizabeth always said she was straight. Much like with Dumbledore, I so called that ages ago.)

That is, people who assume. I hate assumptions. Because Elizabeth dates a girl, it is assumed she is a lesbian. Because I predominantly date boys, it is assumed that I am straight. She also has to deal with people who think she’s ‘transitioning’ from being straight to being a lesbian.

There’s no transition people. She still likes penis. Even if she never dates anyone else again, she will still be attracted to both boys and girls. Same as me. Regardless of who I’m currently dating, my orientation is still the same.

We’re still bisexual damnit.

Now, onto a fun topic - The Onion!

I, like many of you, regularly read The Onion. Until recently, my hands down favourite article was a little blurb I read on a calendar, and I don’t remember all of it, just the fact that it ended with President Clinton flinging poo at reporters and screaming “I’m the Alpha Male! I’m the Alpha Male!”

As, until recently, the Alpha Male of my pack of friends, a position I held by ‘asserting my dominance in the pack hierarchy’ (a/k/a, humping people till they called ‘uncle’) that article was always in my top three. (The other top two was the “Harry Potter Promotes Satanism” article, and an article from ‘the archives’ - “I too Have a Dream” by ‘Malcom X)

This one, has blown them all out of the water. I laughed so hard my tummy hurt.

My favourite line: “I know this is going to sound weird, but there were times during the orgy when I half-expected Brian to sneak up behind me and stick a finger in my ass again,” friend Robert Luchs said. “I guess you never realize how much you’ll miss someone until you have to manually stimulate your own prostate.”

You know, that is so true!