The winner gets this absolutely kick ass ballgag, made by Aslan Leather, and provided to me by Babeland.com

The top five jokes are here below the cut.

Gag Number 1:
Submitted by The Black Russian:

an OBGYN has been delivering babies and circumcising the boys for his entire career, the thought throwing out the foreskins was such a waste that he preserved them in a gigantic vat of formaldehyde. upon retiring he took the vat of foreskins to a leather craftsman and asked him to make something out of them. he returned a week later and the craftsman handed him a small wallet. “is that it?!” the doctor cried.”There had to have been thousands of foreskins in that vat!” “Relax” said the leather worker. “if you rub it just right it expands into a suitcase!”

Gag Number 2:
Submitted by Safra: 

It was the mailman’s last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighbourhood.
When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope.
At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.
When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.
As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup’s bottom edge. “All this was just too wonderful for words,” he said, “but what’s the dollar for?”
“Well,” she said, “last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you.”
He said, “Fuck him, give him a dollar.”
The lady then said, “The breakfast was my idea.”

Gag Number 3:
Submitted by Curvaceous Dee

The whole site cracks me up, but this one is particularly good: Mango.

What did the boy with the gag say to his dom?

Nothing.

Duh.

Gag Number 5:
Submitted by Boots

Q: What do kinksters do on Easter?
A: Hunt for vibrating eggs.

Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll.

Despite being at a kink event and floating in and out of  D/s head space, the boy and I were more boyfriend/girlfriend during WF, rather than Mistress/boy. This is not a bad thing, of course. Head spaces change. But the next weekend, in Philly, we played with some heavy headspace, and had three bitchen’ scenes in three days.

They were a wonderful combination of outside inspiration, opportunity, and, if I may say so, my own innate brilliance.

Our first scene started as a punishment.

Anon has a variety of tasks he’s supposed to perform at different times, and one of them is to have a blog post up on our private blog every day before midnight. Currently, we’re playing a game of alphabetical fetishes – basically, we’re going though the FetLife kink list and talking about each one one by one to see what we’d like to explore. Other times, he has assignments I give him, or free writing to do – but either way, he has a post a day to write.

At some point before I came down, he was late getting one of the posts up, with no good reason. I decided on five minutes with the hated rubber bands as a punishment.  Anon despises the rubber bands, and I adore them, so using them for punishment is a happy medium.

I started by slipping the large rubber bands I have around his thighs and torso, and small ones on his upper arms. I blind folded him, and zip tied him to a chair, ankles to the legs, arms behind him and to the chair, and around his chest.

He’s always so pretty like that -  its a lovely combination of grumpy, fear, anticipation, and arousal. Poor Anon hadn’t come for at least a week, since Winter Fire. I kissed and petted him, straddling his lap across the chair.

Then I set the timer, and started snapping the bands.

It quickly dawned on me that 1) he was still quite demandingly erect and that 2) dude, I could totally fuck him in this position, and HOLY SHIT I bet that would suck for him!

I slid off, dropped my pants, and straddled him again, sliding his cock against me.

He whimpered and twitched adorably, trying to find enough room to move himself into me.

Once things got going, they really got going! I had never really caused someone that much pain while fucking them, nor fucked them in such a vulnerable position. And I can only assume that for him, having hot, hot sex while having the awful rubber bands used must have really been a mind fuck.

For five minutes, I rode him, snapped rubber bands wherever I could reach, all while he whimpered and begged forgiveness. After about a minute, he couldn’t even move because of all the sweat on the chair.

Before I really hit my stride, and before he could come, the timer went off, and punishment was over.

So, I dragged the chair around to the bed, grabbed the Tenga Egg that Vera of FYN had given to him for his help in packing up at WF, and decided to finish him with that. I thought it would be a delightfully humiliating way to end this scene  – and oh god, it was, and was so hot.

The egg is delightfully easy to use, and I had it lubed on on his cock in no time. Fun, easy to use, reusable – I am so getting more of these!

To me, the best part is that they’re clear – I could see his cock through the egg when it was pulled tight between strokes. You see, much like Margaret Cho, I love dicks. I love touching them, fucking them, playing with them, and most of all, seeing them ejaculate. I don’t know why, but if a cock isn’t inside me, I want to SEE it. It is a rival for my love of the look on Anon’s face when he comes – if only cocks and faces were closer…

When he came, which was rather quickly after I started, it was amazing to see his come hitting the inside of the egg – very hot. So, so very hot.

I clipped the zip-ties and bands off, and he collapsed on the bed. We cuddled up, and all was well in the world.

Except for the egg full of come. :)

Loop the working end through the bight. We just made a lark’s head. It is one of the most common knots you’ll make. Don’t tighten it, we need it loose enough to fit more rope.

Loop back around your left leg and come up inbetween your legs and loop in on the right bottom side of the circle. Pull the rope all the way through.

Now we are going to loop around the right thigh.

Bring the rope between your legs.

Loop in on the left bottom of the circle.

Pull the rope all the way through. This is when you should pull and tighten all the ropes and make sure they are snug and tight.

Now we are going to make a square knot on top of the strap on to lock it in place. That’s right over left.

And left over right. Pull to tighten.

Bring the ropes up to your waist and wrap around.

Pull snugly and make a 4. My fingers are holding the rope at the top of the 4.

Loop through and tighten.

Take the ropes and split them. Tie behind your back in a bow.

Makes your ass look cute, doesn’t it?

Zelda helped me take the pictures. She was being a bit of a pain in the ass, so I had to throw her bitchy butt down on the bed and fuck her and slap her around a bit. Man, that woman loves to argue!

Ok, Wendy, I hope that helps!

Well, well, I’m such a lucky girl. I got a brand new Aslan Leather ball gag from the lovely people at Babeland, and they sent me a second one to give to one of you guys.

I love Aslan Leather. The products they make are pretty, and functional. I’m looking forward to hitting my target weight and getting myself one of these babies, with holster!

Anyway, the ball gag. I. Love it. One of the things that always kind of made me go ‘ick’ about ball gags was cleaning them. Even if its a one-person toy, how do you clean the ball? And how do you do it without, say, damaging the leather?

The folks at Aslan figured it out – they made a ball that is detachable. A strip of leather goes through the ball, and snaps to itself around D-rings that attach to the buckling mechanism.

I like this for many reason – the snaps can work as a quick release, to get the gag off quickly. The ball can be removed from the leather bits and, as its silicone, it can be boiled to clean it.

The silicone is also flavourless, unlike some rubber ball gags I’ve experienced. (And yes, I did try this gag on myself. Its a nice, gaggy size, and silicone is soft to bite into!)

Anyway, I enjoy this gag, and I want to give one to you guys! So, here’s how to get it – tell me a joke. Make me laugh. Gags for gags. It can be a riddle, a limerick, a story, a really funny picture or comic. If its about sex, so much the better!

I’ll pick my favourite 5 gags, and put them up for you guys to vote on!

I’ll be accepting submission starting today, 3/3/10, and ending 3/15/10 (Beware the Ides of March!)

We met at Dark Odyssey: Summer Camp, and amazing wonderful things happened. We met, and fell in love.

Now today I am collaring him. We have written a contract to sign, designed a small ceremony, and in front of our friends at Dark Odyssey: Winter Fire, I am collaring him as mine.

Anon will no longer be known as ‘Midnight Anon’, but as Anon Blackheart for as long as he is in my service and wearing my collar.

Anon is like no other I’ve ever met before. I love him with everything, and together, we are magic.

Its going to be a fun, interesting, and dead sexy journey.

Just in case. Because you never know when or where you might meet someone who knows what it means.

From what I understand, the hanky code used in flagging developed out of gay bar/leather culture back in the day. Whenever that day was.

From what I’ve seen, it seems most prevalent now in gay/queer leather/kink/bdsm culture. Mr. S Leather carries a variety of different coloured hankies, as well as leather hankies, for the discriminating pervert. They also have striped wrist and arm bands that can be used for flagging, but the colour selection tends to lean towards three biggies – red, blue and yellow (fisting, fucking and pissplay).

I see flagging occasionally at sex events I go to, and I know individuals who flag, but on the whole, its not as common as it was (that is, if it was ever as popular as we like to think) . Usually people don’t  notice my hanky (I flag red on my left, for fisting top) and assume its just a fashion thing. Its fun when people know what its for, even if they don’t like getting fisted.

Last summer, I was at XES in Chelsea, having drinks with school friends when this adorable little Chelsea boy bounced over to me and said

“Oh my god, my friends over there say that the hanky in your pocket totally means something! *bounce* Does it?!” (he was quite exhuberent!)

“Well, yeah! A red hanky means I like fisting, and in the left pocket, it means I’m a top.”

“OMG! NO WAY!” *bounce bounce* (like I said, a very exuberant young man!)

“Way! I totally analy fist boys.”

“OMG, NO WAY….really?”

“Yes, really.”

“Oooooh! I have to go tell my friends!”

He ran back across the bar to his waiting friends, and they huddled. I can only assume he told them, because a few minutes later there were a bunch of wide eyed little boys staring at me across the bar. It was so cute. I think I scared them a little.

There is a moment when something switches in the person you’re with, where there is a perfect moment of trust and relaxation. When their ass opens up to your, and in that moment, they are totally yours.

For me, it is a moment when I feel the person I’m fucking trusts me implicitly, enough to actually give me their ass.

It is at that moment that I am completely in my element, and riding a beautiful edge.

So, I love trying different standing-to-pee devices. I have had the chance in the past to review the P-Style, the first STP device I’ve tried, and I reccently got the Go-Girl. I find myself having much more success with the Go-Girl.

The Go-Girl is silicone, which means it can be reused, and boiled to sanitize it.
The P-Style is hard plastic, which can also be washed and reused, but not boiled.

These are both good things – I like the idea of having a device that is re-useable! I mean, I use a DivaCup for my period, I might as well use a re-useable device for peeing while standing!

The G0-Girl is bendy, easy to fold up and place back in the plastic tube it came in.
The P-Style is hard plastic, and rather long.

In this instance, the Go-Girl wins out for me. One of the main reasons I want to be able to stand and pee is for when I’m out and about. If I need to take a piss, and there isn’t a toilet around, or if I’m in a skuzzy, skuzzy bathroom in the subway or something, or a bus, or a train, I want to be able to do it quickly and easily.

The Go-Girl

, in its little plastic tube, fits in my bag so much easier than the P-Style. This, I like. Anything that folds up small so I can fit it in my bag is good by me.

Now, the P-Style doesn’t fit in my bag, it doesn’t fold, and it doesn’t have a handy tube to be carried in.
The Go-Girl covers most of your vulva, and you’re essentially pissing into a cup that goes to a tube.
The P-Style is open top, and you have to place it by your urethra.

Now this is another case where, for me, the Go-Girl wins. My main problem with the P-Style was a fear that I would make a mess if I let go and had a nice thorough pee. I was afraid it was going to slosh all over the place or something. While it hasn’t happened in my experiences with the P-Style, I prefer the confidence I have with the Go-Girl, where I can let go, take a whizz, and not worry about it getting anywhere. While wearing pants, I feel more comfortable using the Go-Girl as well, because I’m not worried about pissing on my clothing.

Over all, I prefer the Go-Girl over the P-Style. The Go-Girl is cheaper, more portable, made of silicone, and easier to use!

So, I guess this is the part where I say ‘You go, Girl!’

I thought this was weird at first, but really, I just like my space. *My* space. I like having my bedroom set up just so. I like my books organized in my special OCD it makes sense to me order. I like to make my bed every day, and I HATE when people mess up my sheets.

I also like to have a space that is *mine* for me to retreat to. Sometimes, I need to curl up under the covers and hide.

I am also full of OCD. I clean my room lots. I re arrange shit. I dust my books. I know this drives people crazy.

I keep weird hours. I like to putter.

I want to share an apartment with a lover – as long as I get my own room. And my own closet. Definitely my own closet.

This isn’t to say I don’t want to sleep with them in the same bed at all. I love that! I just want to be able to have my own space.

And sometimes, I *do* want to sleep alone. When one of us is sick (I actually sat up one night actually wondering if I could murder Franklin and get away with it. He was sick, and I had to be up in four hours.), or when someone has to wake up super early, or sleep late. The last thing I want if I get to sleep in is someone waking up and making noise when I’m trying to sleep. Sometimes, I just want to sleep alone curled up with my stuffed kitty. (Or Snoopy. I have both.)

For a while, my ex, who was also my roommate (we dated, broke up, found new partners and moved in with each other) were sleeping with each other. It was great. We’d hang out in his room, have some hot sex, cuddle, and then I’d go back to my room. “Thanks for the orgasms! See you at breakfast!”

It was pretty sweet. Not what I want from a live in lover, but having the option of going back to my bed, in my room with my stuff is nice.

I like sharing space with people – I love having flatmates. I love having other people around, to talk to, eat with, play games with, all that good stuff. But when I’m done, I can always go to my room. I figure, there’s nothing wrong with wanting the same thing from a lover.

One of the things I adore about Anon is that he also agrees with me about the separate bedroom idea. People who live together need a place to retreat now and then.  I anticipate us spending 99/100 nights in the same bed. Maybe more. But having space that is *mine* and *his* is very appealing to me.

Practically, it makes a nice place to keep guests, and also serves as offices for each of us – he works from home, and sometimes I need to be on my own to write…when I get around to it, which is harder these days.

In the past, my friends used to think this was so super weird of me. Now, I find a good chunk of my friends agree, or even have set ups in their own home similar to this. It just makes more sense. This idea that two people who live together MUST share the same room is so…weird.

And I don’t actually see it in practice, either. 85% of my dad’s clothing is in his office. My mother actually uses 90% of the closet (which is an entire 12 foot wall), and my dad has two suits hanging up in there, and one pair of dress shoes. At least one of my aunts now sleeps in one of their spare bedrooms because of her husband’s snoring.

I can see and understand the idea of having separate space (my mother’s craft room in the basement and my dad’s office) and coming together to sleep, but why not be up front about it?

It gives me the chance to not foist my OCD off on another person, as well. While I stay at Anon’s place, and an fine with it, there are things that would drive me *nuts* if that were my room too. I still look at it as his space, which I share, not ours. And if it were ours, I might get twitchy. This is nothing on him, of course, but my OCD raring its ugly head.  (Separate book cases might come in to play as well…I actually ‘edge’ my books to the edge of the shelf. And have them in a weird order that only makes sense to me. Though I’m tempted to catalog them on the computer, and use either Dewey or Library of Congress code. IDK which is more efficient yet.)

It also plays into my fantasy of having my consort have his own suite, so I can summon him when I wish. I’d *love* a set of bedrooms connected by a bathroom, but with separate entrances. I could have him draw nummy baths for me, and chain him to the radiator to serve me wine and cheese while I take a bubble bath!

Yeah. Bubble bath. I like that idea.